Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Hats Off.

Have you ever wondered why they say the Mad Hatter is MAD?

This blog was supposed to be named the mad hatter site. I was taking care of a reasonable, responsible anger problem at that time and all I wanted to do was put out my rants in this blog. Eventually, it changed me as I have learned more self-control and stuff like that. But going back to the question:

They say the Mad Hatter (from Alice in Wonderland) is a representation of hat makers from a certain time frame. They say because these hatters used to put chemicals on the hats for style and beautification, it eventually affected their thinking and they became "mad" or crazy.

I thought this was relevant to me because I am a "mad" person.

Turns out, I might be having the same fate as a real hatter.

A few days ago, while at work, I experienced a throbbing pain at the back of my head which was usually a sign that I'd be having headache soon. Because i was working, i just texted my mom to buy a pain reliever for me so that i can take it when I get home. The pain rapidly grew and by the time I was on my way home, I was already feeling dizzy and I can't really watch the road. I got home safely but I went straight to the bed to lie myself down in sheer pain due to the terrible headache. I wanted to vomit but I just can't. 

I tried to eat dinner that night but my headache just stopped me from doing so. I went back to bed in hopes that with dinner taken and with meds taken, I can go to sleep and the headache will go away.

It did not.

I woke up at around 3AM or 4Am the next day crunched at the bed because I was feeling a terrible headache, so painful I was awaken from my sleep. It was an excruciating pain that I was crying already... I hate it when headaches do that, you know, stay overnight and piss you like that. I tried to sleep but I already can't, and therefore I just waited til the time I have to get up and went to the office with the terrible pain.

When I reached the office, I took pain relievers... but it was there also that I was feeling the need to vomit again and so I did... but nothing came out...

Soon, the pain was relieved and I just had a little throbbing pain somewhere there in my head that lasted many days, until the day I went to the doctor for medical check-up. To tell you frankly, the headaches that succeeded the worst headache were minor, and I was able to go through many stuff at work because the pain was tolerable.

When I went to the doctor for check-up and told him I recently had the "worst headache ever", he asked me questions about having migraines. I told him I know migraine when I have one, it's just that this worst headache was different as it woke me up in the middle of the night because of intolerable pain. He asked me if I eat a lot of cheese, I said no. Lots of chocolates? I said no. Preservatives? In chips, yes.

He then told me I have to undergo CT Scan and later changed it to MRI. I requested him to refer me to an eye doctor as well because the headache might just be due to my eyes... 

But my eyes were clear of any problem whatsoever.

My MRI is scheduled next week. 

The doctor's initial diagnosis?
Brain Aneurysm.


Now if that was due to the Ranting Hatter's hat, well, hats off guys. I just earned myself a valid reason to be THE Ranting Hatter. :) 

But seriously. May I just say that I'm a bit worried? The MRI is expensive, and I hope it shows something. A lead as to why I'm having the series of headaches. A reason for that troubling worst headache. I don't wish that it would be Aneurysm, as I have read many stuff that proves it's a dangerous case. But I just wish it can tell us something.

Well, whatever happens, I just wish in whatever way God is glorified, 
let it be.

If it's aneurysm, I know He'll heal. Or not, depending on the purpose.
If it's not, then I know it was Him teaching me just a little lesson.

Your Ranting Hatter just created this post to rant about my feelings.
It's not easy to wait for a week for MRI that will tell you if you have the dreaded case or not.
It's not easy pretending you are okay at work and at home.
The truth is, I'm worried. And the other truth is, while I am afraid,
I'm excited to see what the results could be.

Whatever it says, it will relieve me.
So at the meantime,
I'll just distract myself from thinking about it.

It will all be okay. :D

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